I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
