not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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