I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Moan for me like Helen Keller
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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