she woke up with a sticky ear
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
