I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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