did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
