it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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