i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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