I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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