You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
