I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
