sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
