we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
