Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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