I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
