even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
