ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
