Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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