I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
