i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
