I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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