I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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