I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
