i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
