i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
