So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
