I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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