my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
