just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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