He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
