I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
