Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
