My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
