So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
