Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
