She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
