You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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