the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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