I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
