I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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