someone threw a dead crab at me
barbara walters just said penis...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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