Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
