I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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