In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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