successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
