So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
