The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
