i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
