six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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