You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
